Peace at Last

From Lisa

My relationship with Bob is a little unusual. Although I have been his daughter-in-law for over ten years, I did not have the privilege of meeting him until a couple of years ago. Yet, I feel like I already knew him. I knew him through his wife, Ginny, and I knew him through his son, my husband Thomas.

I knew him to be an honorable man. At one point, he became a whistleblower at one of the nuclear facilities he worked at. He did not turn a blind eye, but gave up his career in order to do what was right.

Bob stood by his family no matter what. He loved his children unconditionally and fully. He always had time to chat, and always made time to write. No matter what, Bob was there for his family. When our firstborn son came into the world, I was pleased to give him the name of Robert. His example of what a man is lives on every day in my family. Every time my husband hugs his children, teaches them something new, or shows them how to eat an oyster I know that he learned it at Bob's knee.

James Barron Hope says, "Tis after death that we measure men." This is the measure of Bob - loyal, honorable, delighting in Nature, and always ready to be a friend.

We were so blessed to be able to spend these last few months near each other. He introduced my children to his unchanging love, the sea. He would patiently help them clean the shells that they found together and tell them the names of the creatures. When the afternoon faded into evening, we would light a fire. He loved to help them throw anything they could find to see if it would burn! It is an honor to be a part of his family, and I could not ask for a better father-in-law.

The emptiness in our lives now cannot be put into words, but the Scriptures describe a part of our sorrow:

Psalm 38
I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

May you find eternal rest with your Creator.

Love,
The mother of your grandchildren.

From Nancy

Camping in Canada with my children and Bob and his family in 1973 was a wonderful memory. This was our first taste of camping and I've been hooked ever since. Oh the stories he would tell while sitting by the campfire in the evening.

My children and I spent many vacations at Bob's home in New York State on the Hudson River. Bob pulled us behind his boat to water ski. He was so patient with me in my many attempts to get out of the water and up on the skis.

In 1977 Bob came to California to drive my children and I to his house in Idaho for a visit. He was taking flying lessons at the time. I drove him to the airport and watched him take off and land. It was such a thrill for him to fly that plane.

Bob always had just the right words to say to pick me up when I was down, to make me laugh when I wanted to cry and to give advise when I asked for it. His love for the sea, the mountains, a glass of rum and reading were just some of his many pleasures. Bob was a wise, gentle and caring man and a wonderful brother. I will miss the sound of his voice during our weekly talks on the phone.

Brother, you will always be in my thoughts. I love you Bob. Nancy

From Harold

My brother Bob:
The early days, he rode an Indian motorcycle. Well, he rode it and pushed it about as much as he rode.

We hiked the Appalachian trail from NJ almost to VA.

We hunted with cap and ball rifles in NY state.

We mined opal in Spencer Idaho, panned gold in the river of no return in Idaho.

We ate lobsters on the beach in Hawaii that we caught. And drank and argued religion, and politics until we forgot what we were arguing about.

We fished and clammed from NJ to SC. We went scuba diving in the Cooper River and off shore SC for fossils and artifacts. We commercial fished off the coast of SC together. And being at sea for 4 or 5 days at a time, I think we solved most of the world's problems, but never could agree on politics.

We had our agruments and disagreements like all brothers do. I never knew anyone who loved the simple things in life like he did. Reading a good book, listening to a little classical music, or just crack open a few raw clams to eat. And no matter how bad things got, he could always make you feel better. I know I will find myself wanting to pick up the phone and give him a call. Or drive to Charleston just to say hello. Like all of us will do that knew him well.

But right now I feel that he is either hiking the Appalachian trail, or sailing off with the wind at his back and the islands ahead, or he is out in the river just digging a few clams. A better friend and brother, you couldn't find.

Though physically, he may not be with us, he will always be in our thoughts. And on those bad days, drink a little rum, and never forget the good times. We all Love you Bob. Some day we will be together again. Harold

My Dad, My Friend, My Hero!

As I sit and think about my life and the loss of my Dad I can honestly say that you couldn't find a better Dad. I can only hope that I can be half the man he was. Memories keep flooding in of all that great times that we had and one time really stands out.

We were living in Clinton, Ill. at the time and I was a freshman in high school. The school was going to send students over to Europe for the summer, but parents had to pay! I was really excited and wanted the opportunity to go over seas. We went to the meeting at the school and found out that it was going to cost $1600.00 and all I could think about was touring Europe with my friends. After the meeting we went home and SantaBob sat down with me and said that I could go or he and I could take the trip he was planning for us. I was like "what trip??" I had no idea that he was thinking of taking a vacation with just me. As we talked he said that he wanted to go camping in the backwaters of Minnesota for 10 days. It would include hiking, canoeing swimming, fishing, and sleeping in some of the most beautiful forests around. I didn't even hesitate I chose to go camping. I have never regretted that choice, I had the best summer I have ever had. My Dad loved the outdoors, he loved going places, he had an incredible zest for life. I Thank him for instilling some of those loves and zest in me.

When Dad moved to SC we didn't get to see each other, though we talked on the phone a lot. I went on to start my own family, I got married to my awesome wife Lisa, we had some kids(7) and life went on. Then two years ago a job opportunity came up for me to come to SC to work and after some convincing I talked Lisa in to letting me come here and then having my family come when I found a place to stay. This is another decision that I will never regret. Up until that time Dad had never met my wife or kids, that was about to change! We came here and the kids took to Grandpa Bob like glue and Lisa took to him as well. I can say with out any doubt that SantaBob took to them as well. I'm so thankful that I was given this opportunity for my kids to see what a great man my Dad was. They all loved going to Vivian and his house to go to the beach or just have lunch or dinner. Though the boys really loved the clamming trips.

There is now a large hole in our lives, but I know that with Christ all things are possible. Jesus helped us with the lose of My Mom, Grandma Ginnie(as the kids called her) and I know we walks with us now in the passing of a great man, My Dad, My Friend, My Hero SantaBob!

You will be missed Dad,
Love Tom

Goodbye

Robert Harold Stauber passed into eternity early this evening.


A service will be planned, and I'll post the details here.

If you have any fond memories, please tell us about them in the comments. Click "sass back now" and type it in.

Waiting

Viv decided to have the breathing and feeding tube removed. Bob is breathing on his own, but not well. Tom is heading up there to be with his dad.

St. Patrick's Day - Mar. 17

Bob opened his eye again today. Viv told him to look down, as it was rolling back in his head, and he did!

They are having some problems with the breathing tube. Viv shaved his mustache so that tape would stick and hopefully position it a little better. Now he looks like Harold.

The feeding tube came out a little bit as well, and the nurse had to reposition it. Viv is waiting to hear from the docs or Eddie, the PA, to make sure it is positioned correctly and none of the nutritional drink went into his lungs.

I was able to talk to Bob's daughter, Dottie, today and fill her in on her father's condition.

Mar. 16 - Sunday

Today Bob opened his right eye again. He seems to be responding to people talking to him. Viv would like to ask everyone to start coming by to visit, to stimulate conversation. Bob still has the breathing tube so he can't talk, though.

They removed the catheter in his head, as the swelling in his brain has gone down. They've also been able to remove many of the tubes and lines. Right now, he has a tube for feeding, one for his airway, and an IV. He's made quite a bit of progress!

He has some splints that he wears on his hands and legs to keep his muscles in a more natural position. He wears them for a couple of hours at a time and it helps keep him from getting sore. Viv has been moving his arms and legs, and carefully watching for sore spots. He seemed to like being stretched a little bit.

Kim came by to visit today, and last week Flo, Sue, and Father AJ all were in to see him as well. Visiting hours are on odd hours for twenty minutes (9:00-9:20, 11:00-11:20, etc.), and two people can go in at a time.

He's in the SICU, on the second floor of the VA on Bee St.

March 14 - Progress

Today one of the priests from the Abbey came to visit with Viv and Bob. Bob opened his right eye for a few seconds!

The Saga of Santa Bob

This blog is place where family and friends can get updates on Santa Bob. I'll be updating as frequently or infrequently as possible.

Here's the story so far:

Tuesday, March 5, AM: Santa Bob goes in for surgery to fix a heart valve. The surgery goes well, with few complications. He's given some transfusions, transferred to the Surgical Intensive Care Unit (SICU), and starts coming out of his anesthesia.

Tuesday, March 5, PM: The platelets from the blood transfusion cause a large spike in blood pressure. Santa Bob suffers an aortic rupture and is rushed back into surgery. Dr. T reports that he has suffered an event that is probably not survivable and goes back to the OR to work on him some more. Tom and Viv spend the night in the ICU waiting room.

Wednesday, March 6 AM: Santa Bob survives the surgery. He's back in the SICU and sedated. A machine is breathing for him, helping his heart beat, and he's on lots of meds. They leave his chest open in case more work needs to be done.

Brother Stan comes by from Mepkin to pray and give anointing of the sick.

Thursday, March 7 - Tuesday, Mar. 12: Santa Bob steadily improves little by little. They are able to close up his chest, and his incision begins to heal.

On Tuesday, he has been weaned off most of his meds and we are just waiting for him to wake up.

Tuesday, Mar. 12: The neurologists perform a CT scan, then an MRI. They see that Santa Bob suffered a stroke in his left cerebellum. They do not know when the stroke occured, but suspect it was when he was in the OR bleeding. They insert a catheter to drain off extra fluid (CSF), as his brain is swelling and they are worried about more damage. Another surgery is proposed, a "decompression" which involves removing part of Santa Bob's skull in order to give the brain room to swell. The family decides the benefits are not worth the risk and decline the surgery (it would have added months or even years to his recovery, including feeding tubes, a tracheostomy, and general anesthesia.)

Santa Bob's Glasgow score is 4 (rating 3-15); Dr. M can't really give a good prognosis until Santa Bob wakes up, however. The swelling seems to be concentrated in the occipital lobe and away from the speech centers of the brain.

Faithful friend Mike stops by to say hello, and Vivian's daughter C also visits to give her mother support and love.

Wed., Mar. 13: Santa Bob is still hanging in there. Sue visits to catch him up on politics.

Thursday, Mar. 14: Blog starts, so check back for news and updates! Dr. T's intern reports that Santa Bob's heart looks great and he is not on any pain meds or sedation.

Previous posts about Santa Bob, from his DIL (Daughter in Love).

Update #1

Update #2

Update #3

Update #4